Last week we talked about initiating a heart-to-heart talk with your parents on what their future may bring. In this week’s column we’ll focus in on talking about their medical, living and personal needs. Assessing future medical needs This is probably the critical matter to discuss. Health and medical needs can dictate financial, personal and living decisions. Your parents may feel uncomfortable discussing their health situation with you. They may want their physician to discuss this issue with you. Or, they may feel it’s none of your business. However it’s handled, you and your parents need to look at their short- and long-term medical needs. Get a second opinion from a geriatric specialist. What all of you need is a sort of crystal ball to find out the kinds, extent and timing of changes your parents will face in the coming months and years. This information will help find the best place for your parents to live and to plan their finances. Types of care If and when your parents need help, there are many different levels of assistance available to them including adult day care, home care assistance, home health care, respite care, residential care, continuing care retirement communities, nursing home care and hospice care. Depending upon your parents’ situation, outsiders or the family may provide the care. You or other family members may be able to utilize the Family Leave Act to provide full-time assistance for a limited period of time and still keep your job. What you need to know in advance is how strongly your parents want to remain in their own home if their health deteriorates. If living at home is their first choice, then you need to know whether they’d prefer a family member or someone else taking care of them at home and what’s feasible taking into account finances, personalities and money. Finding the right place to live Very often your parents’ home is the first choice and the best choice, too. They want to be close to their friends and their usual activities. If their home won’t work out, you might have your parents move in with you. However, your home may not be a good choice. If both you and your spouse work outside the home all day, your house could be a very empty place for 10-12 hours per day. And, you need to deal with privacy and stress issues for everyone—your parents, you, your spouse and your children. These same issues will be present if your parents move in with one of your siblings instead. If your parents need to look elsewhere, don’t reinvent the wheel. This is something social service agencies and professional private care managers handle every day. At some point a nursing home may be part of your parents’ future. According to the University of Maryland Center on Aging, approximately 40% of the age 65-and-over population will eventually need long-term care with an average stay of 2½ years at a cost ranging from $30,000 to $65,000 per year. If your parents need to go to a nursing home, look at the Medicare nursing home checklist at www.medicare.gov/nursing/checklist.asp#top. Medicare also provides an interactive nursing home comparison program at www.medicare.gov/NHCompare/Home.asp. The personal side of things
Don’t overlook the importance of friends and other relationships that have been developed by your parents. A network of support can help produce a healthier future for your folks. It’s difficult at any time for anyone to be uprooted and to start anew. So, keep in mind your parents’ vulnerability and minimize the change in their lives. |