“There is no education like adversity.” Benjamin Disraeli Come Monday morning you must bite the bullet and fire a long time employee. At one time he was a hardworking dedicated part of your team, now he is rude, often late, and has an “I don’t care attitude,” Your attempts to hold gingerly chats to change the situation have been fluffed off with a defensive attitude. Now it is the time to show him the door. Yet your stomach is turning over the thought of telling him to look for another job. Sweaty palms and a queasy stomach are normal for most people when they anticipate an unpleasant confrontation. Few like it. For some it helps to be angry. Others rehearse their lines hoping it will help. And some at the last moment find reasons to postpone it, hoping for a last minute change. Like it or not, you must realize that confrontation is just another part of leadership, another responsibility of owning your own business. Not pleasant, not a feel good situation, but often necessary in managing your business. And it can not be avoided. There will be employees you must fire, customers to whom you must say no, partners you must defend your rights to, and vendors you must make demands of. It may go smoothly, and you will breathe a sigh of relief, or anger and hostility may erupt. Leadership in business or any other area of life demands much. Leadership is a term loosely tossed about and often defined with a few generalizations or trite phases. When your business is humming along, customers are happy, you have money in the bank and you are a captain of a happy ship, leadership is easy. When you are embroiled in battling problem after problem, every day a challenge, leadership is tough, Meeting the problems, doing battle with the odds of failure, and coming through the muck with a clean uniform is the true test of leadership. And few entrepreneurs can do it. That’s one reason why eighty percent of new businesses fail. Back to our test of leadership and confrontation. How do you handle it? Here are some thoughts that others have put to the test. 1. Define your position Take a moment and write out your primary reason for the upcoming confrontation-such as always late for work, rudeness to customers, or whatever the reason, expect to hear reasons, excuses, or blame of others. With your position on paper, you will be less inclined to become emotional and lose control of the situation. 2. Defend your position Don’t engage in debate or argument- it is your business and you are within your rights to make your position clear. State it, but do not defend it, negotiate or debate it. If you do, your leadership will be in question- that does not mean leadership is inflexible- if you have thought out your position- and you know you are right, stay calm and firm. If you are tempted to change your position – don’t unless engaging in the confrontation was premature, and if so, your leadership skills need work. 3. Have an exit strategy After you have stated your case, made your demands, case closed. Do not linger. Do not engage in “make up conversation.” Do not worry about the other person’s feelings or anger (if any). Do not do anything that will undermine your position, as that undermines your authority. After you clearly state your position, refuse to discuss it, close the conversation affirming that is your position, and end the meeting. Do not leave an open door to further discussion or complications, even concessions will develop. If you issue a warning- be sure you mean it and be prepared to act on it. Confrontation is never a favorite activity, and to be successful at it, you must be assertive- not aggressive. Be firm and display an attitude of sureness of self, and never –never- approach your opponent in any form of apologetic manner- or your fears, hesitancy, or doubts will radiate like a sun burn. Psychologists tell us that people who resent or challenge authority are quick to spot uncertainty or indecisiveness in their “opponent” and will exploit it. It was a wise person who said it is lonely at the top. Copyright 2004 Dr. Paul E Adams, Professor Emeritus Business Administration Ramapo College of New Jersey Author “ Fail Proof Your Business: Beat the Odds and be Successful.” Available Amazon.Com. If you have questions or comments- contact me: drfailproof@earthlink.net